Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
