I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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