why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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