I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's blow job season.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
