I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
