Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can tuck mytits in my pants
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
bring money and cleavage
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
