we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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