How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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