You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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