Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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