also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
