He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
