sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
