Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
