Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
