I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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