I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
