Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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