I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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