Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
