her facebook's as public as her vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
and you fell through a lawn chair
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then he peed in my hair
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