Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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