You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize