You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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