Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
