Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
