Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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