I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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