To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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