So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
