Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
