i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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