I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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