my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
