He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
