totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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