1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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