Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
