glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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