I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
