tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
