He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
