i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
