on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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