Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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