So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
