soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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