I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize