Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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