Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
