i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
