So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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