if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This baby is an asshole
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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