I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
