I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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