my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
