Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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