have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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