I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
