Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
