so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
