im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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