Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
