Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize