I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can you bring me the toilet please
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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