I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize