It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
