Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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