Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the day after is always just damage control
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
