woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well you can't waste a boner
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
