My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
