Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
