My nipple is on Facebook.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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