You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
