no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
