it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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