Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
