i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
